Starting fresh

Hi,

So about a year ago I finished the last post on this blog. I wanted to do more, but was absolutely lost. My best friend moved to America, I was struggling with healthy issues and I was going through a hard time emotionally. Everything scared me and I have never felt so insecure. So I've been trying to figure myself out. It didn't work. I found out I'm highly sensitive, especially when it comes to emotions and let me tell you... It doesn't make those fears any better. I wake up a lot during the night having the worst nightmares because I'm trying to forget about it during the day. Also, the feeling of anxiety and having done something terribly wrong but not being able to fix it.... They control my life and I have no clue how to end it.

So, with this blog, I'm going to try and focus on the bigger picture. Series, books, films I love or have just discovered. Things that happened at work (I work at a daycare with kids who go to kindergarden and primary school) and how I feel about that situation. Maybe a lesson I learned that stuck by me... It can be anything and everything.

Hopefully that way I can find myself again and who knows, it might help with not focussing on the scary emotions and me living in my head too much. So, if you stumble on this page by accident and you have some fun hobbies, books you love, arts and crafts that aren't that hard, or you suffer from the same feelings, let me know please?

Lots of Love,
Iris

Dear I., The one when you are really leaving...

Hi you!

So, last night we had your farewell party. It is probably one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. We got through it, with not that many tears, so it's all okay. I'm not going to dwell too much on it, we don't need even more tears now that I (and hopefully you) finally stopped crying. What I do like to say about last night is that it warmed my heart. Seeing how many people showed up and were sad to see you leave showed me what I always knew. The two of you are the best people you can ever have in your life and not everyone is worthy of your friendship and your kindness. The fact that I am so lucky to have that friendship means everything to me. If there are ever people not knowing how lucky they are, get rid of them. I also wanted to say thank you for giving me some time alone with A. because I'm going to miss that little munchkin so much.

Now on to the good news. Well, maybe not good, but fun! Since I now have your new adress I'm buying postcards online. I want to send fun cards, not only the touristic one's. You know everything here, it's not going to be a surprise how nice it is over here when you are used to it. Those postcards will follow when you've been gone for a few months and you start to forget how pretty everything is. Those will also be the cards you are getting if (and you better not missy!) you decide not to come back. They will have to persuade you, well that and all the other things I will plan by then ;) But, you will be getting postcards! Who knows, maybe I'll throw in a letter or two! And if I can arrange this, I might put some pictures in there. Depending on how much my parents let me print stuff :p I know, I know, I can print these things in shops as well, but better to be safe than sorry ;)

It's weird to think about the fact that the next time I'll be seeing you will be after an insanely long flight, me probably lying on the floor being happy I'm still alive, already sweating and turning in a pool of water with two eyes and a suitcase I won't be able to carry because I'm all liquid. I then will find a way to become more human again, so we can finally start my holiday. It sounds so surreal. Plane ride to a far away country, two week holiday, being with the best people, seeing things I never thought I get to see. Whaattt??!!!! I'm not believing until I'm finally landing and even then I'll probably have to pinch myself a few times (and no that is not an invitation for you or I. to pinch me :p )

Anyway, if you are bored and we are home at the same time just ask and we'll skype. We have that Children's book to write or a holiday to plan or just talk. Whatever you need, I'm there! After all this is not really a farewell, more like a goodbye and a "I - will- talk- to - you - later- even - over - skype".

Good luck, I know you'll do fine there!
Lots of love,
Me ♥

Dear I. About the holidays!

Hi I,

You are still in Belgium at the moment, but due to the holidays we haven't seen each other in a few weeks. It's obvious, but I'll say it anyways, I miss you. Lucky for me, I have been so busy that I couldn't think about the whole America move as much.

Since the last time I saw you I celebrated my sister's birthday. It was nice and quiet besides the fact that something very special happened that day! My niece became part of the pizza club the 24th December *GASP* Yup, the little munchkin likes pizza. I haven't seen anything disappear so fast as that pizza in het belly. Obviously that was one of the most adorable things I have ever seen!

At New Year's Eve, we went back to my sister's. Wasn't quite a fan of the food that night. It would have been nice if they didn't chuck loads of shrimp in there. Don't get me wrong, I like shrimp if it's a tiny amount, like in shushi, but when it's loads of them I just cannot eat it. So when mash potatoes, spinach and some basic fish taste like shrimp I'm done. Luckily the first course were cheese croquettes, I'm quite fond of those and so is E. Seriously, the nugget ate half of mine. She even licked her fingers afterwards. As you can guess we gave her some pizza that night as well. Not that it's going to be a daily thing, but during the holidays there should be a few exceptions. She didn't make it to midnight, but that's okay. After all, she is only 1.

In between all that I went to work. Hazaa! I love my job, but when everyone in your family is home for the holidays it stings a bit.

The first week at work I was the colour blue and I literally was blue. I woke up mad on Monday and stayed in that funk till the end of the week. All the colours tried to make me smile. Orange told jokes, Red gave cuddles, Purple went looking for my smile since she thought it was lost. Luckily I wasn't blue at the end of the week anymore and we had a bit of a party.

The second week two of my colleagues created an under water world, It was nice. Because of that topic I made squid/jellyfish in a bottle and fish out of a carton plate. Despite me being a disaster at arts and crafts I'm quite proud of my achievements.

Also, I'm seriously shocked it's here already (and yes I'm slightly in denial), today we celebrated E.'s first birthday. Theme: Nijntje! (EPIC!) True, it's a day early, but since I work late I wouldn't see her much on her birthday and what kind of birthday is that? Not playing with your favourite auntie in the world? So today we did just that. I held her upside down, tickled her, danced with her, shared some toys and gave loads of high fives. She ate her first cupcake, safe to say it was gone fast, and learned that she doesn't like whipped cream.
Can you imagine that I met her a year ago already? Gaaah, time has gone so fast and eventhough she is still so very little, she's becoming quite the young lady. I'm really proud of the girl she is becoming and can't wait to see how much she will change (although, I hope it doesn't go too fast, still not over the fact that A. is already 15 months!)

Last but not least, and you already know this cause you liked it on my twitter, this week I'm going to fix my passport to come see you. I'm excited and terrified at the same time! Right now more excited though. I've never had a passport before, so that's new too. I'm going to be so weirded out when I can actually hold it (after I did a joyful little dance obviously!)

Anyways, Can't wait to see you! The countdown has started (lol!)

Lots of Love!
I.

Dear I.

Hey you,

I know I have been neglecting my blog, but I honestly had no clue what to do with it. All I wanted it to be was a place where I could put my issues, but everything seemed so negative. Not everything about my life is negative, so after three posts it started bugging me. So I have decided what I'm going to do with it. Whether you read it or not, that's up to you, but this will be the place where I talk about my happy, sad, funny, etc, moments in my life that I can't tell you anymore because you are moving soon and we won't be able to talk every  moment on skype. I hope it's going to be a lot, but with you having your daughter and a husband, and god knows the amount of hours between us it's not going to be possible. The more the better though! Let's not lose contact or just see each other when you come back home.

So, here goes. I'm sure you know that most of the pre-moving is going to be quite sad because of my overly emotional state. You are experiencing this too. Although the last three days have been perfect! Watching films, playing with A., eating frozen yoghurt in the shopping mall, drinking loads of tea and just sitting around talking about everything and nothing. Another highlight was planning that New York trip. It's going to be something to scratch of my bucket list, if I had something like that. I cannot wait to go on that trip, although I do not look forward to get on that plane alone. Do not fret, I will get on there, because it will bring me back to you.

I think the hardest part of you moving, is knowing that you will. It's thinking about how I'm going to miss you and then I'm actually going to miss you. Seriously, it hurts. I'm trying not to cry in front of you, but I have had my small cries on the toilet, in the bath and in bed. Then it continued the moment you closed your door all the way on the train, the underground and here at home. It's just bizarre knowing that when I have to tell you something, no matter whether it's good or bad, that I cannot get on a train and see you. We won't have those walks, that result in fro-yo or coffee. At this moment I am seriously greatful for Skype, Facebook, Twitter, Mail and everything else that will keep me in touch with you.

I'm glad we have that project to work on. No matter whether it actually becomes something or it's something that just keeps us talking, it will always be a good thing. You will be able to do some sort of work the first year you are in America, even if it is just thinking of concepts. It will give me something to pour my fantasy into. It will keep us talking. I know I keep saying that, but I cannot imagine us not talking, us not being sisters from other misters anymore.

Please Please Please, just visit a lot. Promise we'll never give up finding time to talk on skype and come back after three years (or five).

Already missing you (even though you aren't gone yet),
Me.